A Day in the Life of Yours Truly

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4:30 p.m.: Shut off the computer, and THEN see the call that sneaked into the queue at the very last micro-second. Oy.

4:45 p.m.: Finally make it out to the parking lot because I’ve been gabbing with Wide-Mouth Frog and The Happy Wanderer. Sometimes Wide-Mouth Frog is already gone, and we’re just waiting until she’s clear of the parking lot and it’s safe to go out.

4:50 p.m.: Pull up to the curb and have to PARALLEL PARK in front of MY OWN HOUSE because the neighbor, who has a billion cars, has parked two of his trucks along the curb and taken my parking spot, and La Princessa’s (my daughter) friend Clueless (and yes, she is) is parked behind Long-Suffering Spouse in the driveway. Make mental note: Charge Clueless rent for parking spot.

4:55 p.m.: Get out of the car. (Yes, it took me five minutes to parallel park. Thanks for noticing. One minute was actually spent listening to the last bit of Jimmy Wayne’s “Do You Believe Me Now” at a decibel that can be heard in Omaha, so there.) Pet indoor/outdoor kitties (Pudge, Bandido, and Sylvester).

5:00 p.m.: Finally in the house. Long-Suffering Spouse asks, as he does every night, why it takes me half an hour to drive less than a mile home from work. WonderBoy (son ) answers, as he does every night: “Because she’s flapping her jaws.” La Princessa asks if she can “take the car” to “go on her walk” to the park; still not sure how driving to the park equates to taking a walk, but that isn’t the oddest thing about my family, so I don’t worry about it too much. I go downstairs to my bedroom and change into my sweats, and head upstairs to do homework.

5:50-6:30p.m.: Check my e-mail. Do homework while watching [The Office/House/Dexter/Supernatural/CIS/24—depending on what night it is or what Long-Suffering Spouse has rented] and while serving as Long-Suffering Spouse’s living & breathing spell-check and thesaurus—he’s writing an e-mail to [pirate brother/rocket scientist brother/teacher brother/sister/nephew] (Yes, my one brother-in-law really is a rocket scientist. He works for a company that subcontracts to the Department of Defense. When something goes wrong with a rocket or missile, he is one of the guys who figures it out) (no, my other brother-in-law isn’t really a pirate; he just talks like one. AAARGH!).

6:30ish: Somewhere in here Long-Suffering Spouse makes dinner and brings me a plate or coaxes me to the dining nook table.

Around 7ish: We feed the animals. The cats are conditioned to the clanging of their food bowls almost like Pavlov’s dogs were conditioned to the ringing of the bell. The dog cowers by the back door with her food dish, afraid to wade through the writhing mass of feline feeding frenzy (she has learned hard lessons). For her own safety, we let her out in the back yard until they’re done. We have to break up several ninja-kitty skirmishes because the kitten, Chloe, tries to steal the others’ food.

7ish to 10:00: Homework. I quit at 10:00. Now I can get a little writing done!

10:05: End up in chat with my writing girlfriends…

time11:45: Realize it’s nearly midnight and I’ve only written three paragraphs, but I had a good chat with my friends. They had some good ideas for my tricky plot issue. Now if I could just find time in my busy schedule to write…

Morning has broken (don’t expect me to fix it. I can barely keep track of the superglue in my house).

5:45: Hit snooze button first time

5:52: Hit snooze button second time

5:59: Hit snooze button third time

6:06: Hit snooze button fourth time (after letting it play a little because a good song is on)

6:13: Hit snooze button fifth time (Long-Suffering Spouse is starting to make little grumbling noises of annoyance)

6:20: Hit snooze button sixth time—because I know what you guys don’t: my clock is set seventeen minutes ahead because when I reset it after a power outage two years ago, the silly thing went so fast, it went right past the correct time. I made a mental note that it was seventeen minutes ahead, and there it’s been for two years. So really, it’s only 6:03.

6:27 (aka 6:10): I roll out of bed, stumble into the bathroom, brush my teeth and hop into the shower. After five minutes or so, I’m able to open my eyes.

7:07 (aka 6:50): Makeup and hair are done. I get dressed, wondering for the one-trillionth time where I put my dark blue backless Keds… Maybe they got sucked into the same black hole as my first wedding ring and my favorite book…

7:17 (aka 7:00): Eat a breakfast with one hand while holding Chloe with the other so she doesn’t dive into my plate—only because WonderBoy has gotten up early and went into the bathroom and doesn’t appear to be emerging from it any time soon, so I can’t corral her in the bathroom (I can’t even walk down the hall when he’s in the bathroom without him freaking out: “Don’t come in, Mom!” Like I’d want to…).

7:47 (aka 7:30): Gather my jacket, sunglasses, glasses & contacts cases…put them all down because I HAVE to straighten the living room before I go…gather them all back up, forgetting my glasses & contacts case as I do every morning. Run out to the car. Run back in the house to get my cell phone, forgetting my glasses & contacts case again. Back out to the car. Have to move the seat back while standing outside because La Princessa borrowed the car last night and she’s short. Start the car, check the gas gauge. Hmmm…MAYBE I can make it to the gas station on these fumes she left me…

7:52: Pull into the parking lot a la Jeff Gordon (watching The Happy Wanderer leap out of the way), almost late because there was a line at the gas station.

Oy. Coffee!!!

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